The Reason
by SILVERArrowGRIFFIN
Summary: Harry leaves in order to find himself after the war. Hermione and Ron knew that it's not the only reason.Screw Epilogue. :P Paused/Abandoned


A/N: Wow it's been long since i posted and updated my was really tough for me after DH and I'm not over it yet. The whole year, all I did was re-read the books and listened to wrock songs to find the 'thing' that would let me write fics again. I was also busy going online in Mugglespace where I found a lot of HP friends. I promise that I'll update my fics. It'll take long but I'll try. This story is for my MS friends Azar and Sammy.

The Reason

Chapter One: Lost

Harry Potter was proclaimed victorious. He had defeated Lord Voldemort. He had accomplished the prophecy that once held his fate and destiny. The burdens are slowly fading and the quiet shattered world started to become restless on the day the threat was over. Everyone rejoiced because the world's finally at peace but with everyone's excitement there was something inside that made him doubt about everything else. Somehow, it didn't feel right. Somehow, he wasn't satisfied with everything. In the corner of his mind, something isn't at peace. Thoughts conflicted inside him. He didn't need anything more or anything less.

Maybe he just wanted to take a break. Get away from the pressure that everyone's been pressing unto him. He sat on his bed, his head resting on one of the posts of his four-poster bed. He was alone right now. Ron and Hermione had gone to the Great Hall to join the festivities and Ginny, well, he doesn't know where she is but he reckoned she's joined the celebration. He thought about Ron and Hermione. He knew that after everything that they've been through, both of them would start living their own lives. It was something that Harry wouldn't be able to do and get over with. He'll always need both of them. Ron will always be Ron to him and Hermione as well but he must let them be. His best friends had given up everything during the war and they've stuck with him even thought their lives are in danger. They've risked a lot just to be with him until the end. It was time for him to repay them by letting them be and live their lives without risking their life and worrying about him.

He didn't expect himself to feel this way. He thought that after everything, the weight that's always bringing him down would lift up. The plans he had made before were nothing to him now. He was oblivious. He felt like he was leading to nowhere. Harry took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

There are just times when you feel misplaced in everything. When you feel like you have no one even though you actually have people there in front of you. When you feel like your life sucks even though the others have worst. When you have something inside you that you can't just open up and that you remain to bottle it in, causing it to grow into something. Times when you feel empty like a blank roll of parchment.

It happened hours ago but it felt like a century to him. Things happen for a reason. He reminded himself. The results of the war were dreadful to hear. His conscience was being twisted into a complicated knot that's making his stomach jolt with guilt. He thought about the past.

The dead don't come back to life no matter how hard we fill ourselves with fantasies and longings. The appearances projected by the resurrection stone (probably hidden among the thousands of rocks and stones in the Forbidden Forest) was nothing but a memory to him. Lost years can't be returned. The family he had but never felt was also just part of a memory he can't even recall. The life he could have enjoyed as a normal wizard. A life that he would rather have than this so-called 'greatness' and heroism. A life that would never recognise Harry James Potter as the hero of the Wizarding world.

Moving on is one thing he couldn't do right now. Time doesn't take the pain right away. He wants to get rid of the dread that he could still feel inside. Harry started to come up with plans for himself. He always wanted to explore the world and maybe that is what he's going to do.

"Harry, what are you doing here?" Someone came in his room.

"Hermione?" Harry didn't need his glasses to recognise the face of his best friend.

"Why aren't you in the celebration at the Great Hall?" She sat on the foot of his bed.

"Why aren't _you_ in the celebration at the Great Hall?" He responded.

"I was reading a new book and I was looking for something. What are you doing here?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing. Just thinking…" He replied. "Hermione, would you ever give up magic?"

"No way. That's one thing that I will never do" She answered then she started to wonder. "Why are you asking me this? Harry, are you up to something? If you are then tell me and maybe I could help you."

"It's complicated, Hermione. I don't think you'd be able to understand," He said.

"I've known you for years now, Harry Potter. We've been through a lot. I'm always here for you. I know that sounds cliché but I'm serious here. Now tell me what you've been thinking. Trust me; it'll make you feel better "She smiled at him.

With that, Harry knew he could always trust Hermione. But he isn't sure on how she would take it. Much more with Ron but he knew that once he'll tell Hermione, she'd help him in telling Ron about it in an easier way.

Harry moved his lips and started to tell her everything. With every sentence, he was careful of what he was telling her. His voice was breaking off. He didn't have much strength in telling this and he was not ready. The expressions of Hermione's face were destroying him.

After he had explained everything else, he felt worst. He looked down. He felt ashamed. He can't do anything about it anymore. The feeling just can't be shrugged off. Hermione tried to oppose him while he was explaining it to her but his mind wouldn't change. It was final.

"I'm sorry…Hermione…" He finally spoke after their gapping silence.

Hermione replied with tears coming out of her eyes. Someone came in the room. It was Ron. He looked at her then him.

"What's wrong?" He asked his two best friends. Hermione had cried more while Harry looked away.

"Why are you doing this, Harry?" Hermione spoke.

"I-I don't know. I just feel like I have to do this. To find myself again."

"You aren't making this easy for me, for yourself and for Ron" She replied.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Ron was confused.

"I'll tell you later, Ron" She faced him then Harry. "Harry, please. Don't do this."

"These days aren't easy anymore, Hermione. I was badly destroyed by this stupid war. Days aren't like they had been once before" Ron was looking at Harry seriously. Harry knew that Ron is having a clue on what is going on. "And I need time. Time is all I need to help me. I just hope you guys will understand and give me your support."

Another silence ensued.

"Harry…" It was Ron's turn to speak. "Just promise you'll be back"

Harry gave a painful smile that panged throughout him. Hermione had dug herself into Ron's arms and sobbed harder. Ron also gave a painful smile to his best mate.

A/N: How was that everyone? There'll be more on the next chapter and hopefully, it'll be longer.


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